December 30, 2004

I'm ready for this vacation to be over.

Not Because:
1) I have nothing to do all day.
2) There is nothing on TV.
3) I've seen all the DVDs in my collection many times and I've seen a bunch at home.
4) I'm not dating anyone.
5) My roommates aren't home and the Villa is dead.
6) Provo is dead.

I'm ready for it to be over because:
1) I'm looking forward to the many hours I'll spend programming and in the library.
2) The long days of work and class.
3) Being broke... again.
4) Reading textbooks rather than my lot.
5) Finals.
6) Ward activities.

The light at the end of the tunnel includes:
1) Episode III.
2) Summer concerts.
3) Road trips.
4) Soccer.

December 18, 2004

Finals are over officially. Now I have time to play more video games, read more books, and sleep in late. There are a few chores that must be done first: Move the eSpencer out and get him married and stuff, clean my apartment, get my christmas shopping done, work on my car, and try to sell the books I couldn't sell to the bookstore online. All in all, I'd say it was a good semester. I kicked my own butt more to get into the library, I went on some really cool road trips, I survived my stats class, and I got some cool stuff for my birthday.

This time of year, we have a chance to look back on our year and see where we sucked it up and hope to do better. This time of year, we have an opportunity to make a resolution to ourselves to try to do better. Some of us actually do what we promise to ourselves, but for most of us it ends up being an empty promise. In that light, I offer some helpful New Year's resolutions that are fun and easy to apply and you won't feel at all bad if you don't fulfill them because they aren't that big but you will feel good because you will have talked yourself into believing that you actually did what you promised to yourself and either way you could rationalize that you did do them and feel good for the rest of the year. (wow, that was a big sentence, I'm going to have to take a nap)

So here is a list of New Year's resolutions that you could use and feel good:
I Resolve to...
1) Eat more cereal.
2) Think about making my bed more often.
3) 'Ponder more deeply' the talks given in sacrament meeting, even if that involves closing my eyes to concentrate harder.
4) Honk or yell one less time at people who don't know how to drive.
5) Honk or yell ten more times at people who are talking on their cell phones WHILE driving.
6) Since I didn't do it this past year, I will vote in the new year, even if it involves deciding which of the Taco Bell menu items is healthiest, that's still voting.
7) At least have the courage to raise my hand in class even though I don't.
8) Look more and maybe even say 'Hi' to that cute someone.
9) See Star Wars: Episode III at least once in the theaters.
10) Quote Napoleone Dynamite, Tommy Boy, or Adam Sandler more at work/school/home.

Enjoy the new resolutions. Happy Christmas and a Merry New Year to you.

December 13, 2004

It's that time of year again. It's Finals Weeks. And how did I start my finals week???.... I stayed in bed till 10 o'clock, listening to the radio, because when I'm in the middle of taking my Stats final and my Physics Final, I know I'm going to need happy thoughts to get me through them.
This finals week is also made more grim by the leaving of a really good friend at the end of the week so that he can get himself some eternal lovin'. He has left it to me to be the President of the Anti-Love Squad and also the only Ward Heckler to follow in the wake of B. Stifelmeyer, the Original W.H. There are a few potentials but no one that can recreate the J&S show.
But the light at the end of the tunnel includes no school for a couple weeks, all the video game playing/ reading time that I want, and a possible long-@$$ road trip to San Deigo.
So this one goes out to all you studying-till-the-wee-hours, last-minute-cramming, faith & hope-mustering, finals takers. Good Luck to you...don't fail to badly.

And remember, there's always next semester.

December 3, 2004

This past week has been filled with some really super awesome events and some that make you (or me anyway) want to crawl back in bed and sleep till tomorrow. Here are some of the Highlights:

1) Monday was my birthday. It started at 1am when I had to go pick up my roommate from the SLC airport because his plane was coming in at 2:10 am...or so I thought. I get there at 2:10 exactly, find a place to park, and walk in. I mosey over to the Arrival/Departure TVs to see if my roommate's plane has come in. I look around and find his flight number only to discover that there is just a black spot where it should say "On Time" or "Delayed" or even "Fell to the earth in a firey blaze". Anyone of these would be acceptable but all there is is a blank. Nothing at all. I find this rather queer and start walking around the terminal to see if I can find any evidence if I came in or not. After walking to the baggage claim area, I see the appropriate flight number at Baggage claim 1 but there is no one around, no bags, not even a hobo sleeping on the floor. It's like one of those movie scenes where it's a wide angle shot from above of the entire airport baggage claim area and I'm standing in the middle looking around and there no movement at all, just desolation.
Anyway, I start walking around, there are a few people there, some asleep, some half way there. I do a couple laps in the terminal and decide to go to the other terminal to see if I'm just an idiot and went to the wrong place (even though I see the correct flight number in that place). So I walk to terminal 2, freeze my butt off en route, and do the same thing that I did in terminal 1. I walk around, look outside, look around the baggage claim area, look in the phone machine slots for lost change...nothing. Again, desolation. So I walk back to Terminal 1. I again to a few more laps when I decide to call my apartment (because Jimmy was still up when I left playing Warcraft) to see if Charles has called or already arrived there. At this point, I wasn't going to be suprised if I just got the time wrong or something and he had already got a ride back to the apartment and was sleeping soundly. I get my calling card out, dial all the appropriate numbers only to find that there is no answer and I lose 1 unit for the call and 24 units for using my card from a pay phone. Reason would have told me to hang up after the 3rd or 4th ring so I wouldn't get the answering machine but Reason went to bed along time ago. I get the answering machine, I hang up, and then realize that because I did get the answering machine, I just lost 25 units on my card because I connected with something at the apartment. Had I hung up after the 3rd or 4th ring, before getting the answering machine, I would have saved my units. But I didn't and I didn't. So after losing precious units from my card, I decide that I'm going to wait for a while to see if the plane will come in later. So I walk out to my car, luckily I brought some homework with me, grab my homework and head back into the airport. As I walk in, get to the moving stairs, I see Charles with his Indiana Jones hat standing at the bottom. I go down and find out what happened. Apparently, all his flights (America West) have been late because they schedule the departure of the plane at the same time as the arrival. Whoever schedules the flights graduated with honors from Airline scheduling school and is now working for a quality airline like America West. Needless to say, Charles is never flying them again and we book it out of there back to Provoland.
By the time we get back to the apartment it's around 4am and so I decide that there is no real point in sleeping, so I hit the books for another couple of hours. When 6:30 comes around (the time I usually wake up) I get cleaned up, fall asleep for half an hour and then get my to my 8am class. So I get a total of a little less than 2 hours of sleep the whole night and I have to go to all my classes, get homework done, and then get myself to the first real birthday party that I've had in a long time.
Other than being really tired when the party came, I did have an enjoyable time. I got a Mulled Cider candle, a bag of Goldfish, and the computer game 'Need for Speed: Underground'. I was very happy. I got an Ice Cream cake from the Dairy Queen, a bag full of candy, and a box of sugar cookies with frosting. I could have used all of this sugar earlier but that's ok, I had a Vanilla Coke to keep me going. Also, eSpencer took me to P.F. Changs for some good grubbin', and (since it was monday) for FHE we went to Brother Gibson's house where Bro. Gibson and I had a PacMan playoff and I set the High Score for the evening that would not be broken.
All the grubbin', and playin', and high score settin' off set the being tired and hungery and brain deadness from school. It was a most excellent to go to bed that night.

2) A couple days later, it was the Birthday of one of the girls in apartment 80 (who have been Spencer and my apartment girlfriends). So for the occasion, since they were nice enough to decorate our doors and write on our windows with lipstick (even kiss our windows), we decided to return the favor. After making several stops in the mall, we arrived back at the apartment with our goodies and our evil designs. Our first stop in the mall was to the Hot Topic to pick up some Black Lipstick. That's right, we put on black lipstick and kissed their windows and then wrote stuff on the windows and mirrors, part of which included a Haiku dedicated to Carla, the birthday girl. Upon retreating to my apartment, I wrapped the gifts that could be wrapped, and then we got Marci to wrap us in paper while we held our gifts.
Walking very carefully to apartment 80 so as to not tear the paper, we made our way into the apartment and waited for the unwrapping of Carla's presents. First she unwrapped Spencer, who held two books that we purchased at Deseret Book. The first was one that every LDS girl should have (and probably every LDS boy too cause some are more clueless than others): 'What Makes Guy's Tick?', and the second was even better than the first: 'The Do's and Don'ts of Dating, For LDS Young Women'. Obviously, she loved them. We were happy with the work that we done.
Then came the time to unwrap me. She did so to find that I was holding for her a bouquet of a dozen roses with a Gerber Daisy in the middle. The only way to balance out the universe when gift giving is to give a humorous gift followed by a thoughtful one, or something like that. All in the room were in shock and awe when we presented our gifts. There was even a unified 'Aaawww', when I was unwrapped holding the flowers.
We do good work.

3) Tonight, Spencer and I went back to the mall with a different mission. This time it was to purchase a rather expensive item but non-the-less cool. This particular item was found at the end of the University Mall in a little shop known as Wilson's Diamond shoppe or something to that effect. A few days ago, we went with apartment 80 to go ring shopping with Spencer so he can pick up a ring for his escapade this weekend as he makes his way out to DC once again for a higher and nobler cause. He's going to propose to Janna, who is one of the coolest girls in the world, and finally break the bonds of being single.... which in my opinion really aren't bonds when you think about it because you are actually making bonds when you propose marriage to some one, but if being single are bonds then hook me up to the Rack and get those horses pulling.
So, yeah, tonight, we made our way again to Wilson's jewelery to make the final purchase of a really nice engagement ring. So now he just needs to do the deed and get hitched. Tenetive plans are to get engaged this weekend, get done with school this semester, get to the San Diego temple during the Christmas vacation and get hitched. Not too much room for breathing, but it works. Crazy, you may say. Unreasonable, you might assume. Impossible, you might declare. Well, so is that little thing called Love. The power of love is a curious thing, make a one man weep, make another man sing. Change a hawk to a little white dove more than a feeling, that's the power of love. You don't need money, don't take fame. Don't need no credit card to ride this train. It's strong and it's sudden and it's cruel sometimes but it might just save your life.
So, anyway, the ring has been purchased, the plane leaves in a few hours, and I'm going to be one of eSpencer's Merry Men in a few weeks. Kinda exciting, except for the whole dressing up in a stiff monkey suit and having to shake countless hands with people I don't even know and have to be all proper and stuff around others in California thing, but other than that, it should be exciting, shouldn't it ???

4) On a final note, and infinitly cooler than scented WalMart candles and diamond rings, is my most recient purchase, which everyone should get by the way because you're a loser if you don't, well, not really a loser but just one who is missing out on a golden opportunity to gain some clout in the realm of the cool, which is the awesome, going-down-in-the-history-of-most-excellent, best-christmas-present-to-give-for-all-time, and anybody-who's-anybody-has-it Spiderman 2 on DVD. Two disks of action-packed, web-swinging, high-flying, beat-the-crap-out-of-Doc Ock fun. Don't miss out and get your copy before Wally World jacks the price up to normal shelf price.

P.S. Thanksgiving was good. I made my potatoe salad and saved Thanksgiving again this year by carving the turkey again.

November 10, 2004

I'd like to stand (or type) before you today and echo what Liz said about the carbonated beverage realm and it's positive effects on human existance and how I know that all this came to be true. Carbonated beverages have saved me many many times, mostly the caffinated gender, during long car rides, long nights of studying, and generally having good days. Aside from the fact that it helps during the creation of human life, it also comes in many great tasting flavors. Some come in a Code Red flavor, some in a vanilla flavor, and some in a cherry flavor. I know some of you have your favorites, regardless of how frequently you partake of this modern ambrosia.
I was given my first can of soda when I was a wee little tike and I've been enjoying it ever since. There was a time when I was soda-free. This was for very good reason: Soccer. Then I was on a Lemonade kick, but off season, you could see me with can in hand, enjoying life, just like in the commercials. Seriously, everytime I drank a can of soda, then beautiful people would come out of the woodwork and start dancing, and music would come out of nowhere and life was a party until I finished the can. Then they went away. It was very weird.
Anyhow, even though I don't drink for, shall we say, 'medical' reasons, I still enjoy the occasional can of Coke, especially of the cherry variety. It adds a certain refreshing splash to an otherwise bland day. So go, enjoy a glass of your favorite beverage, kick back, and enjoy the random people that jump out of nowhere and dance to your delight.

October 16, 2004

I've spent a ton of time in the library these past couple of weeks, mainly because I've been trying to catch up in my classes. When I catch up in one class and try to concertrate on another, then I start of fall behind in the class that I just got caught up in. It's a losing battle but a necessary one. The bulk of my homework has been reading, and for those of you who know me know that I am a slow reader. Along with being slightly dyslexic, having a semi-controlled amount of ADD, and also having a documented case of learning disability, it's hard for me to sit my on my butt for many hours in a library to read....but that's what I've mainly been doing for the past 2 weeks. Sitting on my butt trying to read. But I've had help, don't you despair on my account. I've had Metallica to help. That's right- Metallica. Though you may find it hard to believe, I can read better while listening to Metallica...and classical film soundtracks...and Japanese pop...and...well, you get the picture.
Here's how I figure it: the ol' noggin needs something to keep it from being distracted and music has been the only thing to keep me focused on what I'm doing. Rather than sit in a room full of other humanoids shifting in their seats, whispering into their cell phones, and rustling papers, I crawl into my Metallica-shaped bubble and am able to keep focused doing homework a lot longer than if I didn't have my music.
Some people, most people, can sit in a room with other living-people-like-units and read without any problems, but for yours truly, it can't happen, believe me I've tried.
So now that I've been listening to one of my favorite internet radio stations that plays nothing BUT Metallica, I've been able to get some work done. And since I've been listening to so much of my favorite band, I've been getting excited about going to see them when they come to the SLC. And since I've been getting excited about going and the fact that I can get some work done while listening to music, maybe I should just bring ALL my homework with me. If listening to music can help me, just imagine what a live concert will do for my grades!!! And if you can imagine that, just think of what I could accomplish if I was on tour with them, or Nightwish, or Brand New, or Incubus. I have no doubts that I could get the Nobel Prize (all of them), create a work that would rivel J.R.R. Tolken, and possibly get my doctorate in ... something. I would be THE SMARTEST MAN ALIVE !!!
I think I'm on to something here....

PS: You may have noticed that I don't have my comments anymore. It died on me. So use the Tagboard for your comments. Have a Happy Helloween!!

October 6, 2004

Some things that I'm looking forward to:
1) the Dresden Dolls concert on November 9th. Tickets were only a dollar with my X96 Freeloader card. So far I have eSpencer roped in to seeing it.
2) As a birthday gift to myself, I'm going to go to the Metallica/Godsmack concert on November 22nd. I need to see Metallica in concert before they decide to not tour anymore.
3) Halloween !!!! Vampires, black nails, haunted houses, and monster movies galore!!! What more could a kid ask for ?!?
4) Thanksgiving Break !!! I generally try to avoid going back to NM around this time of year but I think there might be in the works another Johnson family road trip. No homemade turkey for us, we are hitting the road.

Some things I'm not looking forward to:
1) Homework (but that's a given).
2) All the reading that I have to catch up on in all of my classes... did I mention the homework that comes along with that?!?
3) The snow and slush that accompany the holiday season. Although some of you might be looking forward to the ski season, I have a feeling that all this slush and ice will play a bad part on my knee. I'm sure it will hurt more with the bitter cold.
4) All the bad holiday movies that are going to come out soon. I'm having withdrawls from the Harry Potter/LOTR run from the past few years.
5) And finally, the queen mother of bad things that comes with the approaching holiday season....Finals. BOO !!!!

September 2, 2004

I once knew this kid who we shall call Steve H., no, that won't work, let's just call him S. Humphreys. Well, S. Humphreys used to be my roommate. He use to come back to the apartment, throw his bag on his bed and then cuss Microsoft for a few hours while listening to the Star Wars songs. I would look at him, shake my head in pity, and then go back to whatever it was I was doing at the time. As the years drove on S. Humphreys moved to a little, unknown hamlet that people know as San Francisco. It was here that S. Humphreys found employment at the local number mill. Day after day S. Humphreys worked to make the world safe for numbers. All was well. Occasionally S. Humphreys would find his way back to the land of the Provo and tell me stories of his adventures in the far off land of San Francisco.

Now, S. Humphreys doesn't write anymore. I can only speculate that he was stolen by a band of rogue Jawas, made to serve aboard a glactic sandcrawler for many months before being sold to the Hutt family where he currently makes and serves pizza to the Hutts and their beloved family pet, the Rancor.

I miss the days when S. Humphreys would post blogs and write emails and chat online. So in tribute to our long lost friend who spends his days in the Hutt family kitchen, sweating over a rotating pizza oven, this song is for you:

Da Da Da Daa DAAAA DaDaDa DAAA DAAA DaDaDa DAAA DAAAA DadumDadaaaaa
Da Da Da Daa DAAAA DaDaDa DAAA DAAA DaDaDa DAAA DAAAA DadumDadaaaaa
(you know the rest...)

August 19, 2004


What Video Game Character Are You? I am an Asteroid.I am an Asteroid.


I am a drifter. I go where life leads, which makes me usually a very calm and content sort of person. That or thoroughly apathetic. Usually I keep on doing whatever I'm doing, and it takes something special to make me change my mind. What Video Game Character Are You?
The bishop called me a few minutes ago and we had a 'chat' about my schedule this coming semester and he wants to visit again later on tonight to talk somemore about my schedule this semester........this does not sound very good. I'm actually a bit scared at the possiblities that this might give. Whenever you have to have an extended talk with the bishop about your school schedule is always a bad thing. I'd rather talk about past transgressions with the bishop than about schedules. I bet they are going to put me in the fire stoking room for the semester, or maybe even in the Church's salt mines. Or even more dreadful, they might want me to teach a class. I think I'd rather work in the salt mines.
I've been doing ok in my 'we don't have any more but we need to give these people callings' callings: FHE group leader, ward mission committee, FHE group leader again, etc. I'm rather fond of not having any direct contact with hierarchy or real respondsibility for that matter. I've heard all about earily morning meetings, retreats to the bishops house, and other secret gatherings that result in big conspiracies against the ward. I want no part of this. I'm rather content doing my own thing and not having to prepare anything at all, where the only big concern is deciding who is going to say the opening prayer.
Maybe I should have stayed in Vegas a little bit longer.

August 11, 2004

Today, one of my friends gets married. I met this kid my freshman year when I lived in Deseret Towers. This particular kid lived across the hall from me. When I first met him I thought to myself, "Man, this is one of the weirdest kids I've ever met" and "What's this kid's deal, he listens to Squarrel Nut Zippers, speaks Japanese, treks miles and miles to go to the Japanese food store to buy seaweed, and ALL the girls like him. How is this possible ?!?!" As the semester progressed I learned that he played tennis, liked to make films, and he has a huge crush on Bomberman. He would come into my room and start fights and we would end up wrestling with the winner giving the other a wedgie.
As time moved on, I saw this kid in the MTC. He still wore his Japanese pajamas, he was going to Japan, and ALL the girls still liked him.
The years passed and, again, I met up with this weirdo, this time in an apartment complex setting. As we lived around, by and with each other, I still held my position that this kid was weird and I told him on many occasions.
We've made movies together, been through drama together, and had our own language that consisted of 'Bings' and 'Dings' and not much else. I've seen this kid do his Techno-Spaz dance and his German Dance Party dance many times. I've been to San Francisco with this kid where we met a bum who called him Golden Boy.
This kid then graduated and he didn't know what he was going to do. I told him to stay, he said no, I cryed all night long.
Now, he's is getting married in Salt Lake. He sent me an email asking me to be there, I accepted, I wouldn't miss it for the world. In a few short hours he will be eternally bound to someone. Will I ever see this kid again ?? Will he ever come around and play like we used to ?? Will he miss the opening night of Aliens vs. Preditor on Friday ?? To these questions I know not. But this much I do know, We better have a monthly, if not weekly, movie night or there will be hell to pay. Maybe we should join the Verizon IN to keep in touch, that's what it's for isn't it ?? This one is dedicated to you.

Good luck
May the Force Be With You
Hasta la Vista, Baby
Be excellent to each other

June 29, 2004

Reciently, the transfer of power back to the Iraqi government by President Bush has caused a huge stir. This was done two days ahead of schedule. This transfer of power is a huge deal, occuring 15 months after the taking over of the country by the U.S. The idea was to get Sadam out of power and to establish a more democratic government. Let's just hope this works out like we hope. But the focus of this commentary is the earily transfer of power to the Iraqi govn't. The main question is why earily ?? What on the President's agenda would cause him to 'jump the gun', as it were, and give back power so earily ??
To answer this, let's look at the facts as they are: 1) This transfer was scheduled for June 30, 2004. 2) A handover of power like this takes at least a couple days to work through, on paper and behind closed doors. 3) It takes a while to fly back to the U.S. from Iraq. 4) Shaking hands and saying 'good bye' to diplomats require some time and maybe even a dinner. 5)Lastly, and most importantly, SPIDERMAN 2 STARTS ON JUNE 30th !!!
So to put the pieces together, President Bush doesn't want to miss opening night of Spiderman 2. He HAD to transfer power earily so he could get optimal seats at his local theater. I'm sure he didn't want to catch it while in an Iraqi theater, with subtitles and a terrible Iraqi dubbing job. I couldn't imagine the horror of watching Spidey and Doc Ock with a Middle Eastern accent. It's not acceptable. Dub-yah had to get back to the good ol' U S of A to get an air conditioned, stadium seated, popcorn smelling room with fans dressed up like Mary Jane, J.Jonah Jameson, Doc Ock, and ,of course, Spiderman. If I were President of the United States, I would have done the same thing, get business done as quickly as possible and get back to the states to catch opening night.
To those who are out to defame the President, I would suggest thinking again about your motives. We have a guy in office who believes in Freedom, democracy, and not missing opening night of Spiderman 2. What more could you want from a President ??? We may have our different reasons why we support the President of the U.S. but for me, it's because he's a Spiderman fan and knows the importance of opening night.

In related news, the 1967 version of the animated series of Spiderman (the FIRST) is now out in a 6 disk box set. Pick yours up today !!!

June 24, 2004

It's been almost a week since my surgery and my leg is on the mend...at least that's what the doctor said. 3 more weeks of crutches and 4 weeks of physical therapy and i should be able to walk again. That's the hope anyway.
Today was the first day of my PT. It hurt. I can't hardly lift my leg an inch with out help. I did all kinds of lifting excercises, stretches, and was even hooked up to the electrode machine for 12 minutes. The last time I was hooked up to one of those bad boys was when I was in Oklahoma for a goalkeeping camp. I sprained my ankle really bad, was on crutches for about a day, hated it, so i decided to go right back to training with it sore. But when I was getting my ankle checked out, the doc there hooked me up to the electrode machine too. It sends short burst of electricity into your leg and gets the muscles moving. It's pretty exciting.
So today when I was hooked up to it, it brought back memories of OK goalkeeping camp and how I wished I was back there training. It's still to this day one of the best summer activities that I've had.
So now I'm still on the crutches but I can at least put a little bit of pressure on it, I have a few excercises that will help to loosen my knee, and I have an awesome black knee brace that makes all the ladies go, "ooooo". In a few weeks, I'll be walking again...then running....then I'll be back on the soccer field, readly to defend my goal and my honor.
I kind of feel like Uma Thurman's character in Kill Bill. She was put in a coma and paralized from the waist down. Upon waking, she had to break out of the hospital without being seen, avoid assassins, steal a car, and sit there till she could get herself to move her big toe. When she finally did it, she could start rehab'ing herself back to full strength, retrain, go to Japan and find a master sword maker and then start on her journey of killing Bill and all his hired assassins.
Instead of having anyone to kill, I too must get myself to lift my leg an inch off the ground (which I can't currently do), retrain, find a master soccerball maker, and begin on my journey to obtain soccer glory.
But for now, I'll have to settle for Physical Therapy, school, and surviving on watermelon and cold pizza.

June 3, 2004

I went to the orthopedic doctor today to check out my knee. Up to this point, everyone I've talked to has said that it's been my LCL that been messed up. So I walk into the BYU health center (which i've been skeptical about anyway), sign in, and sit down.
My name is called and I go back to see the Doc. He bends my knee for a while, scribbles something on a piece of paper which I can't read (theory: all doctors write unlegably because they are conspiring against their patients to get as much money out of them as possible. They and auto mechanics have the same economic sense), and then tells me that it's my ACL that is completely torn.........great.
Then the worst news in the world comes ------- I can't play soccer for about 8 months. THIS PUTS ME OUT OF SUMMER AND FALL PLAY !!!!!!! I knew there was a reason I didn't like doctors.
So now, I have to go back a week later and see him again and then get surgery in about 2 weeks to repair the torn ACL. If this wasn't bad enough, as we were wrapping up the visit, I ask for a knee brace that I can wear that will allow me to walk and support my knee. The nurse leaves for a bit and comes back with the brace I had in mind. She puts it on and then I leave. Well, when I get back to my apartment, as is my natural habit, I pull apart the brace to see how it works. When I pull it off and examine it, I notice that the nurse put the thing on me BACKWARDS !!!!!! That doesn't inspire much confidence. So after re-examining the whole situation and commenting on the quality of medical attention that is employed at BYU, I put my brace on THE RIGHT WAY and go to see if I can drive without killing myself. So I make a short run to MasterCuts to get some Product. I return safely. So now, I'm off again to see if I can drive without killing myself....back to NM for a while.
So that's the UpDate on your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-man loving college kid. I'll see you when I get back from the NM.


As a side note: This has got to be one of the greatest things I've seen, EVER !!! Read the story, it's awesome !!!

May 27, 2004

So here's the story from the horse's mouth....

Wednesday there was a soccer game. The first game of the Intramural Coed Soccer tournament. Very important, obviously. Nothing else matters, life - death, it's all chump change compared to tourney games. So in the second half the score is 1 to 1. There is about 10 minutes left in the game. My defense is too far up the field and the other team attacks. The ball is passed to one of their forwards. He gets around my center D, kicks the ball up and it's a foot race between him and my center Fullback. The ball is rolling toward the corner flag. The forward is faster than my fullback. So I, playing Goalkeep, leave my box to get the ball. We slam into each other, I jump up and try to get back to my goal. He still has the ball. He is headed toward my goal. I get back in front of him. He switched directions and is going toward the outside. I change directions also but my planted foot decides not to. I look down in time to see my knee momentarily leave it's normal place of residence. I feel the most intense pain shoot through my leg. I fall down and am out for the count. 4000 minutes later, the D*mn ref decided to blow the whistle and stop play. I'm on the ground holding my knee. I take off my glove and shove it in my mouth to keep from saying all the bad things that were in my head at that moment. One of the girls on my team, who is an athletic trainer, runs over and figures out what is wrong. I'm taken off the field and the game continues. Spencer takes my place in goal and does a brillant job. Regulation time ends, the game is tied.
Over time....
No score....
The game goes to Penalty Kicks. Spencer blocks shot after shot while our we put 2 in the back of the net. We win 2-0 in PK's.
I am happy, we won. Like I said, Tourny games are of the utmost importance. Nothing else matters.

How the story ends:
I am helped off the field and go home. Ice my knee all night. Sleep...
The next day, I get to the ER to see what's wrong with my knee. After an X-ray, two doctors bending my left knee in every imaginable angle, and crutches and a knee brace, I'm sent home with the diagnosis: I might have torn my LCL and maybe a meniscus. I go in for an MRI tomorrow and might need surgery to repair the LCL.
So now I am out for playing soccer (which is REALLY the sad part of the story), I can't DDR unless it's on my PS2. I can't drive my car. And I have to call people in order to go anywhere (which really sucks).
On the plus side, I can catch up on my summer reading and movie watching. I have gotten the most sympathy in the past couple days I've ever gotten in my entire life, far surpassing the time I got pegged in the face with a soccer ball that was going 1,000,000 miles per hour and the time I got a death threat from possible gang members. (Stories that will have to wait for another time), but I've gotten free food, looks of sorrow, and people offering to do stuff for me, which is really awesome of them, Bless their hearts.
It is offically summer, injuries are in full swing in the 2nd Ward. A possible new segment may be added to ward prayer: the past week's ward injuries, or stories from the ER. What would an injury be without a cool telling of it in ward prayer?
Next up: the Memorial day activity.

May 22, 2004

Bill Cosby is cool.

nuff said.

May 19, 2004

This email was sent to me from a friend. I thought I put it on the blog than send it out, just to see what happens.

1. What time is it? 10:19 am

2. Name as it appears on birth certificate: Jay-Adams Rory Johnson

3. Number of candles on your last birthday cake? The last b-day cake I had was probably when I was 20. One of my comps. baked a cake, was happy about his accomplishment, swung the cake around as he brought it into the room, then dropped it on the floor. I spent the next 15 minutes trying to get carmel chocolate out of the carpet and trying to convince him that 'it was the thought that counts'. Then like 20yr. old guys would do, we still at the 'good' parts of the cake.

4. Pets: Magnus (my Vampire sock monkey) and Murphy (the stuffed monkey my sister got me when she was in D.C. and the one I made Steve hug one night).

5. Eye color: dark brown

6. Hometown: Ghetto-ville aka Fruitland, NM

7. Town you live in: Mormon-ville aka Provoland, UT

8. Favorite foods: Dead and cooked with some A1 sauce.

9. Ever been to Africa? Toto has taken me to Africa.

10. Been toilet papering? yes

11. Love someone so much it made you cry? Not yet, but if you count soccer as a 'someone' then Many times.

12. Mayo or Mustard? Mayo.

13. Croutons or bacon bits? Bacon Bits (not the cheap nitrate imitation stuff either)

14. Favorite day of the week? my days off

15. Favorite restaurant: I'm torn between Tucanos and Red Lantern.

16. Favorite flower? The fire flower from Super Mario Bros.

18. Favorite sport to watch? If you don't know this one by now, you don't know me at all...

19. Favorite carbonated drink? Dr. Pepper, Strawberry lemonade, Root Beer, and Cherry Pepsi (all equal)

20. Favorite adult beverage? A Large or Biggie Sized Dr.Pepper, Strawberry Lemonade, Root Beer, or Cherry Pepsi.

21. Favorite ice cream flavor? Anything from the Sherbet cartel.

22. Disney or Warner Bros.? Warner Bros. because they kicked off the stupid 'AOL' thing from their title. Anyone who dropkicks 'AOL' is good in my book.

23. Favorite fast food restaurant? Panda Express.

24. What color is your bedroom carpet? Villa Green.

25. How many times did you fail your driver's test? None. I got a 70 on the written part and the driving part was short and I didn't even have to parallel park.

26. Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail? the MSN team, trying to get me to buy more storage space for me email.

27. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? either Circuit City or Best Buy

28. What do you do most often when you are bored? Surf the 'Net, read my Vampire Chronicles, sleep, Watch Buffy, eat, listen to music.

29. Most annoying thing people do? ...or don't do, people don't know how to drive!!

30. Who will respond to this email the quickest? Unknown.

31. Who is the person you sent this to that is least likely to respond?

32. Favorite TV shows? Simpsons, Who's line is it Anyway, South Park, Cosby Show, Buffy, and Soccer Games.

33. Last person(s) you went out to dinner/lunch? Emily, Leah, Kat, and the Ritz.

34. Ford or Chevy? I'm a Chevy man.

35. What are you listening to right now? When I started this: Motion City Soundtrack's 'I am the Movie' CD, now: Nightwish's 'Angels Fall First' CD.

Where the Heck is 36 and 37? Oh well. They must have been inappropriate or something.

38. Time you finished this email? 11:39 am

April 10, 2004

Hee Hee Hee .....

I rather enjoyed this comment that I wrote for my calculus class. While I like Calc., I did not like the book or the teacher very much, as the following comment shows that I submitted in my student evaluation:

" I felt like this was a "high school" class because the students were fresh out of H.S. and they would act that way, causing Dr.***** to respond in a "High School" manner, meaning some days he would act 'immature-ish' which would distract from the teaching. He is a really smart teacher and, for the most part, he knows what he is doing, but there were numerious times when class would not function well.
In addition, the Calculus book is not a good calculus book. Excluding the fact that there are many wrong answers and typos and such, but it was just not written very well. Numerous concepts were vague in their explainations, the pictures were not detailed in their labels which made them hard to understand, and a lot of the problems in the book were also hard to understand because they were not written very well. In short, this was not an effective calculus book. I've not heard anything good spoken of about this book other than the fact that it was cheaper in price relative to other calculus books and that the cover picture was nice. I sincerly hope that this book is not used next semester because those students do not need to go through the same stress and headache over trying to figureing out this book that alot of students this semester have. I used one of my older Calc. books rather than use the required calc. book in learning. Please get rid of this P.O.S calc. book because it would be in the best interest of the students rather than in the financial interest of the persons who wrote it."

I figured that if all I said was "My Calculus book was possessed with an evil demon that caused much anguish of soul and confusion of mind", I don't think my comment would have been taken very seriously. This was probably the most I've responded to student evaluations ever.

I blasted the Physics exams as well, but I didn't save that comment. D'oh !!!!!

April 7, 2004

This has week has been what I expected it to be: Hell Week!! two tests, two java projects, and regular homework are pileing up. So today, I said, "to hell with it" and took the day off. It was very much needed. I recommend it for everyone, once in a while. It started out with a visit to the "Upside down thumbtack" by the mountain. Then chatting for about 2 to 3 hours with the brother about the physics of casting a fireball spell and also trying to explain the physical aspects of creating "X-men" type humans on a molecular level. It made for one hell-of-a comic book geek conversation.
Later in the evening, I gave Kat the beating of her life...twice. (gloating)HA HA HA!!!!! (/gloating)
I think the only appropriate way to close this Hell week (when everything is done hopefully) is to watch the new movie Hell Boy (crying)Hotter, I need you on this one! Where are you ?!?(/crying).
And it's Easter weekend. Time to eat as much pastel peanut M&Ms as possible. But the best is getting pastel peanut M&Ms AFTER Easter, because then, they are all discounted.
But before this time of discounted candy and movies, much hell to pay.

March 29, 2004

SPIDERMAN 2 IS COMING OUT EARLIER THAN SCHEDULED !!!! This makes me happy. I feel like a Dr. Pepper and a song that embraces the entire world.

March 24, 2004

I was given an assignment for my Religion class. To write a paper on one of the talks given in last October's General Conference. I chose Elder Oaks's on changing culture for the better. It's an excellent talk. Anywho...so, I'm sitting in the library working away in the early morning hours, typing, listening to my usual internet radio Classical Soundtracks. As I really start to get into my paper, what should come on but a soundtrack for a porn movie. I have listened to this same station for a long time, and never have I heard a porno track. So I laugh, the song ends and I continue writing.
Well, later in the day, after I went to class, did a little more research, and sit down to write somemore, what should come on my favorite internet radio station but another track from another porno flick. It had the 70s electric guitar doing the 'Waaka Waaka' thing. It sounded like a terrible version of Isaac Hayes's Shaft theme song. Again, I could only laugh and wait for the song to end before getting started on my paper.
Twice in one day, on my favorite station, was there 2 cheesy adult film themes. Apparently, this paper holds more weight than I bargained for.

March 5, 2004

I've never seen this happen before. Somewhat funny when you know it was related to this. Now all that needs to happen is for the 'Free Martha' T-shirts to make an appearance.

March 4, 2004

I finished it !!! It took almost 3 months to do but I finally finished my book: the Vampire Lestat, 2nd book in the Vampire Chronicles. It only took a mear 100+ page reading yesterday, but well worth it. As an intermission of sorts, I've picked up a copy of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass. Looks good....then on to Queen of the Damned.

Books are fun.

February 29, 2004

As I sit here on a Sunday night, wondering what I should blog about, it occurs to me that everything was pretty much normal this week...perhaps too normal.

It was midterms for the past 3 weeks and I still have one left to do and I'm not too worried about it. I have lots for reading to do and to catch up on but I'm not too worried about it. The ward soccer team is into tournament time and I'm not too worried about it. It was the 5th sunday and the Bishop talked about Dating in a combined meeting today (which I missed) but I'm not too worried about that either. Rent is due, a new month is upon us, Stake and General Conferance is coming up in a few weeks, again, I'm not too worried about it.
I will tell you what is of minor concern though...the up coming mission reunion. Not because of the fact that I've been home for 3 years and I am still unmarried, in school, and no real career that I can speak of. It's because of the fact that I don't know whether or not to wear the black paint and whether or not I should wear my System of a Down shirt or my Anarchy shirt. If the reunion is on Sunday, should I keep the nails black and wear the black button up shirt to match or keep my sunday attire on but wear the baby blue tie that will go with the black pants and the black nails. And at the end of it all, should I try to avoid those annoying comps that I had and be true to how I really feel about them, or should I do the charitable thing and talk to them for a minute, try to act interested, wish them a happy life and never talk to them again. Decisions, Decisions. At least this is the last mission reunion that I will have to attend and fake interest and hide social awkwardness while those there show off their wives/ kids, rehash old mission stories, and act like they are on top of the world with their carpet cleaning job or major in Chemical Bio-Engineering Computer Technology with a minor in Business Language Information Systems with an emphasis in Latin Bible Jewish Culture studies while supporting their family and planning a trip back to Iowa over the summer to see all the families that they have baptised and kept in touch with over the past 3 years while staying with ward members that they are close friends with. Me, I'll just show them my black nails, tell them I'm majoring in I.T., and waiting for a cool band to come through town. That should impress them...shouldn't it ?!? At least there will be free cookies and punch there. And I can try to find my name on the mission quilt again. I keep forgetting where it is.

February 22, 2004

What I learned last week:

1) While doing a Java program that involved making bank accounts and writing my own classes for them, I got stuck on writing the Transfer method. So I called the TA over to help me figure it out. After examining the code, explaining the logic, and then helping me write it, he told me to compile my code often so that I could check for mistakes and such. This was all well and good and could have ended there...but he didn't. As he stood in the middle of the room, he talked about 'compiling' our own lives so that we might catch the mistakes in our own lives. Rather than 'compile' yearly or monthly, we should 'compile' weekly so that we can say on the strait and narrow. And after his sermon, his final comment was 'We should all compile often'. Then he sat down at his computer and started working again. All I can say is...Only at BYU, could you get something like that and everyone would understand what he was really talking about.

2) In another Java relates events: as I was in this weeks help session, the TA used as his example algorithm a program about pigs. Much like the concept of Tamagotchis, this program determined the pig's breed, weight, and you could feed him, exercise him, steal food from another pig, and kill him if you wanted to. As he explained the code, it was very apparent that he worked with pigs as a child and that he was most likely from Idaho. When I thought on this, I could only shake my head and laugh ...Only a Java programmer could get excited about a pig program. Other TAs used algorithms like Barbie or dating as example algorithms.

3) I really can do good in calculus. After all the studying and rereading sections and working sample problems and being in the Math lab for hours on end, I really can get a good grade. In the past, when all of the aforementioned was undertaken, I would go to the Testing center, take my test, do a *not so well* job and then leave super *not happy* cause all the time and effort I put into studying would not be reflected on the test. But this time, it was different. I actually did good on a calculus test. There IS hope for me yet. I was so excited that I had to put my head phones on, turn my Heavy Metal on full steam, and keep myself from skipping all the way to my apartment from the testing center. I was so *very* happy.

4) Ghetto movies are the best. Just to name a few that I have on my "Coolest Ghetto movies of all time" list.
Barbershop
Barbershop 2
Friday
Dangerous Minds
Undercover Brother
White Men Can't Jump
Sunset Park
Just to name a few. Why?, you may ask, I give this list. As cheezy as it may sound, some have been instramental in my motivation. Such as Dangerous Minds keeping me motivated about school. Sunset Park I watched during HS for soccer and kept me going during games and practices and such. And others are just plain hilarious, keeping me going throught this little thing they call life.

I hope this next week was as good as the last. Hope you have a good week too.

February 20, 2004

I'VE DONE IT, IN RECORD TIME TOO !!! As of last night, I've watched the entire 3rd Season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It only took a week to do and I don't feel bad about it. Now it's on to 4th Season....

February 17, 2004


Not a Wasted Weekend

Stats:
Movies: 2 - Barbershop 2 and Big Fish, both excellent.
Buffy the Vampire episodes: 17- A few more episodes and I have the entire 3rd Season. In the midst of my watching, I got my roommate hooked. Good ol' roommate bonding. Plus, I think I might be able to play the theme song from memory for the rest of my life.
psudo-Elimidates: 1, there was one Me and 6 them. Luckily I didn't have or want to elimiate anyone. Just a grand time spent in SLC. I think that continued to solidify my position as 'one of the girls'...again. I still haven't decided if that was a good or a bad thing yet.
General Authority bios: 3. In a continued effort to catch up with my Rel 333 class reading I got from M. Russel Ballard to Richard G. Scott. Plus some info on the Seventy. Good stuff.
Nails painted: 10. It's good to be back in the groove.
Pizzas: 1. Should be the staple when watching Buffy episodes.
Kisses: well, Zero, but the amout of Buffy episodes made up for it.
Dr. Peppers drank: 8- 12oz. cans. I need to refill my stash.
Miles ran: Zero. Again, Buffy episode made up for it.
Pork Chops cooked: 6. One of the best sunday meals I've had in a long time.
Hair cuts: 1. Pending.

As you can see, I've had a rather productive weekend. As one of my annoying Zone Leaders would say, "The numbers don't lie". I guess in this instance, they don't. I had a great weekend. I hope you did too.

February 2, 2004

I almost got embarassed today...almost.

Today began pretty normal: My one bowl of cereal..nail paint..you know, normal. Math class came and went. Then CS class. Now usually when the teacher leactures, it gets really really monotonous. Today was no different. So what is one to do in such a situation...sleep, of course. So I was drifting off in to neverland, not fighting it too hard. I was in the back of the room so I wasn't distracting anyone. Well, you know that felling when you are semi-consious and you feel like you are falling...maybe your hand falls off the desk or something. Well, that happened to me and as a reflex, I woke suddenly and jerked rather notice-ablely. Good thing I was in the back and the lights were dimmed. As I gained my composure, I know I startled at least the 2 girls that were sitting behind me (one was the married Math tutor). But I talked to her when class started and she knows that everyone falls asleep in that class, so she and the other girl chuckled and went about their business. I laughed at myself and then went back to sleep.

Moral of the Story: Get the new Incubus Album "A Crow Left of the Murder" on Feb. 3. It will be worth the investment.

January 28, 2004

To those of you who knew me the last couple of semesters, you know that I didn't eat because of homework and school and other stuff. Well, it's happened again. I find myself either the computer lab, the physics lab, or the math lab (that's a lot of labs). While my mind is having a banquet with all sorts of yummy delights, my stomach is not getting hardly anything except for a bowl of great tasting Special K w/ Red Berries in the morning. But different than last time, I've replaced my frozen pizzas with peanut butter & jelly sandwiches. Outside of this, there's not much that gets to my stomach. I am playing soccer again, which I'm happy to say. But I've not been as frequent to the DDR machine, which I don't like.
And I LOST MY PHYSICS BOOK !!!!!!!!!! This I'm not enthused about. If anyone has any information that will lead to the reuniting of me and my Physics book, please call the local authorities or call me. All information will be kept confidential and there may be a reward for it's safe return. If there be any guilty parties involved in the missing of my Physics book, they will be severly beaten, bound, gagged, and forced to watch Pauly Shore movies, mainly BioDome, until they are on the verge of schizophrenia or indigestion. So if you took my Physics book, you're in big trouble!!!!

So there is my semester in a nutshell thus far. As for the summer, that remains to be seen.

Have a good week!!!

January 27, 2004

THIS is another reason why I don't get sick or take medication. So far, it's been working well.

January 21, 2004

I met her last semester....the One. The One whom I would marry and live happily ever after. The One to who I could tell anything or do anything with. The One who is smart, cute, patient, helpful, creative, etc.... The One who is Dapper in both dress and speech. The One that would help me become a fine, upstanding member of the community in which I live. The One who would put up with my shenanigans, roll her eyes, let out an amused laugh, and then say something like, "Oh, Jay." The One who, on many, many occasions, has helped me with my homework when I was at a loss. This One I met in the Math Lab, of all places. She was the one who I would hope would come over when I had a question. She would point out the error and correct it with ease. She was the one who I would hope would win the 'TA of the week' every week. She, who is the embodiment of all that is cool. I thought my search was over, for I had found her.

But, alas, she is already married. (crying) Why !?! Why couldn't I have met her eariler ?!? Why couldn't I have taken Calculus eariler ?!? Why couldn't I have been the one to marry her !?! Why, oh, why ?!?!?!?!? (/crying)

Now I can only see her in the Math Lab and in my CS class. All I am now is a single loser who has a crush on a married girl. I'm forced to continue my search in the lone and dreary world. At least I have DDR and my soccer ball.

January 20, 2004

It's finally come back to haunt me !

Throughout the HS years, I've had my group of guy friends that I always hung around with. This was the same group that I went to class with, played soccer with, fought with, and created mischief and havok with. But there were also friends of mine with whom I would frequently hang out and do stuff with. Since that time I've mostly hung out with the female of the species and that suited me just fine. I could handle the girl talk, the chick flicks, the learning about the difference between being a winter and an autumn, and the like.
But I think it's finally come to kick me in the tail.
As I was doing my bi-monthly grocery shopping at the local Macy's minding my own business, a lady walked around the corner and into the aisle I was in. The first thing I noticed was her make up and how wretched a job it was. Now mind you, I'm a straight, Returned Missionary, homophob who would rather see a Vampire blood bath, kill-them-all action movie than go dress shopping or shave my legs, but I was thinking very distinctly that I could have done a better job applying her make up. When I finally caught myself thinking this, I had to laugh and deduce that it was because of all the time I have spent in the presence of my friends who are girls and their teaching me the ways of the girl.
I hope that I haven't any permanent damage on my psychie.

January 14, 2004

BYU has given me yet another reason to want to transfer/ quit school. This semester began like every other semester, finding classrooms, fighting bookstore crowds, establishing your seat in class, etc. All of this is tolerable and expected. BUT, I have the haunting feeling that BYU is out to make my existance a horrible one. In my CS class we were given the task of finding a PIN and being able to log on to lab computers to do assignments. This was all well and good and I was pretty excited to have access to a lab computer, which has a faster connection that the Villa. (tangent) I did a test on the computer that is in my room and found out that the connection there is only 73.7K when I'm suppose to be getting 100K. If I'm paying $10 for 100K, well then, dammit, I Want my 100K!!! (/tangent)
Well, the first couple days of having access to a lab computer, I did just what any one would have done in my shoes, I started watching music videos. It was so wonderful not having to worry about a slow connection. Nightwish, Metallica, Incubus...all came through in fine quality and in large screen size. I was ecstatic at having the opportunity to catch hard to see music video online.
But this was not to last......
Coming back to my favorite lab computer a couple days later, I found that the ability to watch my beloved music videos was destroyed and that all access to streamed and downloaded videos was virtually squandered. After many, many attempts to bring back my treasured videos on different computers and using different methods, my dreams were shattered as I was forced to accept the fact that 'the Man' had blocked this ability on the admin. servers and there is no way to retrieve My Preciousss. So now, here I sit, using the CD function on my once prized lab computer, writing about how I hate BYU and want to transfer and am going to take the rest of the day to convince myself that the tuition price outweights such trivial details and I should just go play DDR to console myself.
The Utah Auto Show is going on this weekend. So for that I'm excited. Last years show had Eleanor, I hope they have something cool like that again this year.

January 4, 2004

Total movie count for this holiday break: 21

not in any particular order:
1)LOTR - ROTK
2)LOTR - ROTK
3) the Missing
4) Resident Evil
5) Queen of the Damned
6) the Craft
7) Better Luck Tomorrow
8) Blade 2
9) Star Wars: Episode 2
10) Life is Beautiful
11) Amelie
12) Victory
13) Underworld
14) Interview with the Vampire
15) Something's got to Give
16) Pride & Prejudice
17) Scary Movie 3
18) Bram Stoker's Dracula
19) Pirates of the Carabbean
20) As Good as it Gets
21) School of Rock

With honorable mentions for incompletion to:
a) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
b) Wayne's World
c) Wayne's World 2
d) Jimmy Neutron
e) Nurse Betty

But I didn't completely rot my brain. I got in some good DDR time.
And also read:
1) Interview with the Vampire
2) A Child called 'IT'
3) the Great Gatsby
4) Dante's Inferno

And am currently reading:
1) the Vampire Lestat
2) Jane Eyre

All in all, It was a good vacation. Hope you enjoyed yours as much as I did mine....... LET SCHOOL BEGIN !!!!!